“I am doing well.”
When asked “How are you doing?” this is often the easiest answer to give and the hardest to unpack. During my first semester as an African international graduate student in the United States, I said these words more times than I can count. I said them to my supervisor, to my academic advisor, to classmates, and even to friends who genuinely wanted to know how I was adjusting. Each time I said it, the sentence worked like a shield. It protected me from having to explain my confusion, my exhaustion, and my quiet fear that I was not doing enough.
There were days when I repeated this phrase so often that it began to feel automatic. I said it while struggling to understand course readings, while navigating unfamiliar classroom expectations, and while learning how to balance my graduate assistantship responsibilities. The words came easily but they carried weight I did not yet know how to name. Behind them was the pressure to appear grateful, capable and resilient in a system that felt overwhelming.
As an international student from Ghana pursuing graduate education in the U.S, I quickly learned that “doing well” often meant performing stability rather than experiencing it. My response was shaped by culture and upbringing. It was not dishonesty, it was protection. Through my lived experiences and conversations with other African students, I have come to understand that this phrase carries meanings that are often invisible to student affairs professionals, faculty, and peers.
This article is written from my perspective as a Ghanaian international graduate student navigating higher education in the U.S. While my story is personal, it reflects a broader pattern among many African students who carry cultural expectations of strength, gratitude and resilience into academic spaces. I write this piece not to criticize student affairs professionals but to invite deeper listening and reflection. By understanding the cultural weight behind “I am doing well,” educators and supervisors can better support African and international students as they navigate graduate school.
The Cultural Meaning of “I Am Doing Well”
In Ghanaian culture, saying “I am doing well” is often less about honesty and more about respect. It is a socially acceptable response that protects privacy and maintains dignity. Growing up, I learned early that strength meant being able to endure. There is an Akan adage that says, “It is the man who swallows the bitter pill.” This means that pain is something that you carry silently as a show of strength rather than display openly.
This mindset appeared early in my schooling. When teachers asked if we understood a lesson, many of us would respond yes even when we were confused. Asking questions could be interpreted as slowing others down or exposing weakness. Over time, silence became a form of safety.
As a male student, these expectations felt even stronger. Vulnerability was rarely encouraged in my childhood, while resilience and perseverance were praised. These cultural values shaped how I learned to respond to challenges long before I entered graduate school. What looked like confidence from the outside was often quiet endurance on the inside. Scholars have noted that help-seeking behaviors are deeply influenced by cultural norms and socialization (Yeh & Inose, 2003). Many African students demonstrate strength through self-reliance rather than disclosure, which can complicate engagement with support services in Western educational contexts.
Carrying These Values into U.S Graduate Education
When I arrived in the United States for graduate school, I carried these values with me. During my first semester, everything felt new and fast-paced. The academic language, classroom discussions, expectations around participation, and the balance between coursework and graduate assistantship was a lot to manage all at once.
There were moments when I felt overwhelmed and unsure of myself. When I started my assistantship, I struggled to understand some of my responsibilities and how to manage my time effectively. Instead of asking questions, I tried to figure things out on my own. During meetings with my academic advisor, I said I was “okay”, even when I was struggling to fully understand course content.
I chose not to disclose these struggles because I did not want to be seen as weak or incapable. I worried that admitting difficulty might confirm stereotypes about international students or affect how others perceived my competence. Saying, “I am doing well” felt safer than risking misunderstanding or judgment. Research on international graduate students supports this experience, noting that fear of being perceived as unprepared or deficient often discourages students from seeking help (Hyun et al., 2007). For me, silence felt like self-preservation.
Shared Experiences Among African Students
As the semester progressed, I began having informal conversations with other international students from Ghana and other African countries. In these private spaces, many of us expressed similar feelings of confusion, pressure and isolation. Yet in formal academic or professional settings, we continued to present ourselves as “fine”.
We talked about navigating U.S. classroom culture, where participation is often expected and rewarded. Some shared fears about accents, language processing, or saying the wrong thing in front of peers. Despite these challenges, we rarely voice these concerns to faculty or staff.
These conversations revealed a shared cultural response to struggle, one shaped by gratitude for opportunity, family sacrifice, and the desire to survive without complaint. What looked like adjustment was often quiet endurance.
What Student Affairs Professionals Might Miss
When African or international students say, “I am doing well” student affairs professionals may interpret this as a sign of successful adjustment. However, this phrase can mask significant stress, uncertainty, and emotional labor.
In advising or supervision meetings, time constraints and structured agendas may limit deeper conversations. When a student responds positively, professionals may feel reassured and move on to the next topic. From the student’s perspective, this can unintentionally signal that there is no room to share more. Over time, students may learn that surface-level responses are sufficient and expected.
Power dynamics play an important role. Advisors, supervisors and faculty hold authority, and for students from cultures that emphasize respect for authority, honesty can feel risky. Without intentional follow-up, students may assume that deeper struggles are not meant to be shared.
This gap is not a failure of care but a reminder that culturally responsive practice requires curiosity and patience. As Pope, Reynolds, and Mueller (2019) argued, inclusive advising requires understanding how students’ identities shape communication and help-seeking behaviors. Without this awareness, silence can be misread as confidence.
Rethinking Support and Advising Practices
Supporting African and international students requires more than asking, “How are you doing?” It requires creating an environment where honesty is safe and expected. Questions such as, “What has been the most challenging for you recently?” or “What support would make this feel more manageable?” invite deeper reflection and signal genuine care.
In orientation programs, normalizing struggle early can help students understand that difficulty is not failure. When educators acknowledge that confusion, stress and adjustment challenges are common parts of graduate school, students may feel less pressure to perform perfection.
Advisors can also build flexibility into meetings by leaving space for personal check-ins rather than focusing solely on academic progress. Even small actions like remembering a previous concern or following up on a past conversation can communicate that a student’s well-being matters.
Trust-building over time is essential. For many students, honesty develops through consistent relationships rather than one time check-ins. Small moments of care like remembering details, following up, and listening without rushing can open doors to authenticity.
Growth Through Dual Roles
Serving as a graduate assistant while being a graduate student has reshaped how I understand student support. I now recognize how easily silence can be read as confidence. Being on both sides as someone who struggled quietly and someone who supports others has taught me that asking for help is a learned skill.
This dual perspective has strengthened my commitment to culturally responsive practice. I am more intentional about listening beyond surface responses and creating spaces where students can share at their own pace. Belonging, I have learned, is built through trust, not assumptions.
Conclusion
“I am doing well” is a phrase that deserves closer attention. For many African students, it reflects cultural values rooted in resilience, respect, and survival rather than an absence of struggle.
By listening more closely and asking intentional questions, student affairs professionals can better support students whose challenges may be hidden behind polite responses. My hope is that this article encourages reflection and invites educators to look beyond what is said toward what may remain unspoken.
Author Biography
Emmanuel Amankwah (He/Him/His) is a graduate student in the Higher Education and Student Affairs Administration program at Grand Valley State University. He serves as a graduate assistant at the Office of Inclusion and Equity Institute, where he coordinates learning development programs through the Inclusion and Equity Institute. His professional interests include international student support, inclusion and equity.
References
Hyun, J., Quinn, B., Madon, T., & Lustig, S. (2007). Mental health need, awareness, and use of counselling services among international graduate students. Journal of American College Health, 56(2), 109-118
Pope, R. L., Reynolds, A. L., & Mueller, J. A. (2019). Multicultural competence in student affairs (2nd ed.). Jossey-Bass.
Yeh, C. J., & Inose, M. (2003). International students’ reported English fluency, social support satisfaction, and social connectedness as predictors of acculturative stress. Counseling Psychology Quarterly, 16(1), 15-28.