This is the third in a three-part series about the experiences in, transitions from, and connections sustained by graduate students.
This is the third article in a three-part series exploring our graduate school experience. Our specific experience includes a cohort program model, mandatory graduate assistantships, a theory to practice curriculum, and faculty advisor mentorship. The first article explored our relationship with ourselves during the experience. The second article focused on our relationship with the overall graduate experience. This article centers our relational experiences beyond graduation. We will begin by sharing personal anecdotes and conclude with prompts to guide your reflections.
When choosing a graduate school, there are many factors informing why students end up where they do. Some choose programs based on financial aid (scholarships, stipends, and tuition remission). Others forefront curriculum and the utility of classes in our future careers. Some choose based on the assistantships. Still others pick programs for school or program reputation, cost, and the ability to put Master’s of Higher Education on our business cards.
However, what if the decision process were centered around intangible experiences and potential relationships on the grad school journey? It makes sense that we would value our relationships across campus in higher education, where we continuously interact with campus students, staff, and faculty. Do we value how much these relationships change our perspectives and inform our work in graduate school?
As new professionals, the intangible elements of relationships we made in graduate school are the most influential factors in our personal and professional development. Although we appreciate the theoretical frameworks we learned in class, we attribute our professional advancement, self-growth, and practical and philosophical approaches in student affairs to the people we met along our journey. We will examine multiple anecdotes about how different relationships affected our graduate journey and translated into our lives as new professionals. We will specifically examine how our relationships with our cohort, the graduate school experience, and our support systems have been built, evolved, maintained, or lost while pursuing our master’s degrees. We are grateful for the support and challenges these relationships have brought us, as they have made us stronger professionals and people.
Gabi
Since leaving grad school and beginning my first full time professional role in student affairs, I have realized the various levels of impact one’s support system can have. This comes through two main levels, in one’s personal life and professional life. While the majority of my life has been focused on purely personal connections, the field of higher education emphasizes the importance of a support system not only to sustain oneself within this profession, but to create deep connections with others in order to be more effective and successful in this work. My professional support system, both outside my current institution and within, has been the key to my successful transition into a full time role at a new institution and a new state.
Prior to grad school, my support system largely consisted of close family. While I had friends from childhood and undergrad I maintained connections with, I always felt the most easily maintained relationships were with my direct family members. This likely comes out of my childhood as a military kid, where sustaining connections with others was often impossible due to the frequency of moving from community to community. It wasn’t until high school that I was able to experience attending school without moving and starting over. Because I had always heavily relied on my family, I was not expecting to enter grad school with any other expectations, but my connections in grad school helped me discover what it meant to have a reliable support system. What drove this was the inherent support system built into the program – the cohort! This structure was phenomenal in allowing for maintained connections throughout learning and growing within our graduate assistantship roles, but it also began the shift in my understanding of how crucial support systems are. While every individual in our cohort made the experience special, the cohort system at its foundation allowed me to discover what it meant to be surrounded by a group of individuals with a shared sense of purpose and passion.
I have taken what I learned from this program and continued to apply it to my professional role through continuing to prioritize connections in the workplace. Due to the amazing experience I had in the cohort model during grad school, I aimed to center networking in my full time professional role. Before I even accepted the role, I was proactive in reaching out to two different professionals currently working at the university. In talking to these two professionals who were far removed from the search committee, I was able to both get an honest and transparent perspective of the role while also beginning to build connections before even stepping foot on campus. These meetings were crucial in shaping my understanding of the university culture, and were encouraging in what the future would look like if I were to be offered the opportunity to work there. Now that I am within this role, I have continued to center support systems in leading an initiative to form a new professional community on campus. Importantly, while developing a new support system at my new role, I was surprised how my master’s cohort support system continues to remain strong even a year after graduating. I still rely on the friends and mentors I made throughout my grad school experience to help me understand and compartmentalize situations at work, even if we’re communicating from hundreds of miles away from each other.
The importance of support systems in life cannot be overstated, and my experience in grad school helped me learn the importance of intentionally forming and sustaining these relationships in my professional life as well as personal. My support system now is much more layered, purposeful, and impactful in all areas of my life. The cohort experience allowed me to see the long-term positive impact of having a variety of connections to support your personal and professional well-being, and this support system has helped me through some of the most demanding moments of being a young adult in a brand new area of the US. Even though higher education is the path I’ve chosen as my career, I never would have expected how this program prepared me for life.
Josh
My relationships before graduate school changed dramatically throughout my two years in the program. Within the first semester, a three-year relationship I had been in had ended, and I was left feeling like I didn’t have a strong support system. My family stayed in touch, but being over nine hours away from Tallahassee, their ability to be there for me was limited. At first, it felt like I was starting from scratch. Over time, I began to build my community in Tallahassee by forming friendships within my cohort, at my graduate assistantship site, and starting a new romantic relationship. Looking back now, I realize just how much deeper my relationship with my family became during that time. Distance forced us to be more intentional, and that led to more consistent, meaningful conversations than we’d ever had before.
The master’s cohort quickly became one of the most important support systems I had during graduate school, and I would say my life in general. My 23rd birthday happened within the first month of living in Tallahassee, and as it turns out, three other cohort members have birthdays in the same week. After only knowing each other for a few weeks, we celebrated by going out together and having an incredible time. This bonding would continue throughout our experience as we would spend time together in many spaces: attending conferences, spontaneous beach trips, working on classwork at coffee shops, and more. I’d been worried at the start about whether I’d find “my people,” but instead of one or two close friends, I found a unique connection with each person in the group.
Graduating and moving away from Tallahassee presented a new challenge: exploring what my support system looks like again. My connection to people I met in Tallahassee is still strong, but the physical separation requires more intentionality to stay in each other’s lives. Transparently, I have struggled to find new friends in my new home. This is the first time I have had to build a community without the structure of programs, cohorts, and an environment where meeting people is “easier.” It’s a process I’m still figuring out, but the lessons from graduate school, about vulnerability, showing up for others, and investing in relationships, are helping me navigate it.
Martin
The best word I can use to describe how my relationships have changed since going to graduate school is “transformative” Before I started my program, I was surrounded by a large support system through my family, friends and surrounding community. My perspective on relationships was that I would have “many” over “few”. I felt that the more people I was surrounded by then the more I felt loved and supported. Graduate school challenged that perspective. In my first year of graduate school, I carried feelings of loneliness and isolation. I separated myself from everyone and convinced myself that I liked it that way. Underneath that, I had this longing feeling of feeling connected. What I didn’t realize is that this point in life made me create one of the most important connections which was with myself.
Over time, I learned to prioritize quality of quantity. I started to practice things like self-love, sit with my feelings, and allow myself to be open again. This shift allowed me to make space for genuine connections. After I overcame this self-isolation, I was able to form meaningful connections with people in my cohort. In a way, graduate school was preparing me to build this foundation of more healthier and authentic relationships. This even opened the door to a romantic relationship, which is something that I had not experienced in a very long time.
The impact of these lessons also extended to my professional life. In my current role, I come across students to navigate feelings of being lost, afraid, and alone. Emotions that I now know too well. Because of my own journey, I am able to receive them with openness. Not long ago a student told me “you made me feel like home”. Today, I carry this mindset with everyone I encounter, especially my students, so that they feel a sense of home that was created for me.
Savanna
It became a running joke in my cohort just how often I would make the drive from Tallahassee to Tampa. What they didn’t know at the time was that this was so I could stay engaged with one of my biggest support systems. I consider myself very lucky to have had easy access to those who supported me throughout undergrad during my graduate experience. On average I would make the four hour drive down to Tampa one or two weekends a month. To many this seemed crazy, but it was just what I needed to keep myself grounded. Most of the time I would stay with my friend Dylan (thanks Dylan!). This allowed me to see and engage with nearly every one of my friends from undergrad (including, but not limited to, members of my fraternity, people I was an RA with, and more) on a regular basis and I would be able to forget about the stressors of grad school. I now live an approximate 40 hour drive from Tampa and have had to find new ways to stay connected with this supportive community, but I will always cherish those moments from grad school.
Another large support system during grad school was a group chat of a few people from home (which is Maine for me) that I was able to feel safe sharing truly anything in. This group chat consisted of my mom, two of my best friends (Kelli and Guen), and Guen’s mom Erin (who happens to be one of my mom’s best friends). Anytime I describe that combination of people and just how much it meant to me I always got a funny look from people. To this day this group chat is one of my most frequented places I go when I need support. I know I can send anything (something good that happened, an annoyance that occurred at work, or a wild story from an adventure) and I will have them there backing me up. The same goes in reverse for any of the people in that chat. I know I will always have them there for me in a moment’s notice.
I found my master’s cohort to be very supportive of myself and others throughout our graduate experience. Everyone had a few people they were really close with within the cohort that would be their core support system with the greater cohort being a larger surrounding support system. The first person who truly became a support system for me was Venus. She was the first person I met in our cohort as we were working the same assistantship and had to get to Tallahassee over a month before the majority of others in our cohort. We connected so fast, I truly don’t know how to begin to describe it. I remember when we had our first HESA social a few days before classes started and we finally met the rest of our cohort that people thought we had known each other for years. We call each other our “Emotional Support Human” to this day. The other person who was a large support system for me (especially year 2) was Martin. We kept each other accountable in nearly all of our work our second year. We had countless co-working nights where we would sit together (at my apartment, the library, random places off campus, etc) and just work. We’d check-in on one another, ideate when one was struggling, and goof off when we needed a brain break. I truly don’t know how I would’ve gotten through many of our projects/assignments without him there to keep me motivated.
For me, now over a year post-grad these support systems are all still there, they just look different. Instead of driving to Tampa every month, I am now frequently texting/calling those people and planning trips with them (visiting me, me visiting them, and us going somewhere completely different). My groupchat is still very active (maybe even more recently) and they find ways to keep me involved in their day-to-day activities even though I am not physically there. I may not have my grad cohort physically present with me but we still find ways to stay engaged. Venus and I send a weekly life update to each other that we call “Waffle Wednesday” while Martin and I reach out to one another when we need someone to hold us accountable. I’ve even formed new forms of support systems with people from my cohort (and the cohort below us) that all moved out west. I may not physically be with any of them now, but I know I have their support.
Sydney
I finally made it. I was at the top of my undergrad experience in my senior year. I had it all, from being involved in multiple organizations, joining my sorority with new line sisters, going to a SEC school experience, and I had a network of friends where there was always someone to hang out with. Three days after my undergrad graduation ceremony in South Carolina, I moved to Florida to start my dream graduate assistantship at my new graduate school. I do not think I expected how much proximity played into that closeness and keeping friendships together. My friends were my strongest support system in undergrad, so going from seeing them every day on campus to them being two states away was difficult. The difficulty continued as not only was there physical distance, but there was also distance in experiences. I had friends in law school, med school, working full-time, or still in undergrad. There were fewer things to talk about and relate to on the phones. Although frequent road trips to South Carolina occurred to sustain relationships six and a half hour drives every month became unsustainable financially and energy-wise. I started to be discouraged as some of these relationships started to dissipate, as there were fewer phone check-ins, text messages, and no visits to Florida. This was the start of me realizing the importance of putting energy into those who give energy back to you. I became more intentional with the people who were in my life. The sustained relationships were the ones that wanted to support me outside the physical. They were there for emotional and mental support and showed consistency.
As friendship tended to be my main support system throughout my life, I wanted to ensure I would have a friendship through a cohort. In my graduate school search process, one of the top criteria for me was the people who could potentially be in my cohort. I constantly asked myself during different school visiting days: “Could I see myself being friends with these people inside and outside of class?” This question ended up being the main reason why I picked the program I did. I connect more with this group of people over Zoom than with any other group of students. My cohort ended up being the strongest support system in my graduate school journey. My cohort would end up being intertwined in multiple areas of my life as it consisted of my two roommates, one of my friends from undergrad, my future long-term partner, a co-worker, and my classmates. We tended to be around each other all the time, as a lot of us lived and worked with each other. At times, it could be frustrating as we would take personal frustrations with each other into class and vice versa. However, I was starting to see my undergraduate friendships change, and I needed people who understood what I was going through. As class, graduate assistantship, and life got harder, I appreciated how my cohort mates would be there to let me vent, and they knew exactly what I was going through because they were also going through it. They served as my personal hype people, travel buddies, study groups, dinner dates, therapists, role models, and listening ears. Classmates can be more than classmates if you let them and if you need them. In my experience, it was harder to find friends without campus involvement or outside my program, so I really relied on them to be my friends. Although this is not the case with everyone’s cohort, I saw a need for relationships beyond the classroom, and I found it.
An unexpected but significant support system in my graduate student experience was my original graduate assistantship staff members. These were the people who grew me as a professional. I always say, even to this day, that they were my Tallahassee family. When I came to work every day, I felt comfort and joy. I felt that my opinion was valued even as a graduate student. Most importantly, they invested their time and energy into me to ensure I was learning and enjoying my time. We ate lunch together, we laughed we cried, and sat in each other’s offices just to hold space. When applying for a job, many people’s first criterion is not a work environment that would double as a support system, personally and professionally. However, in all of the chaos of transitions, I needed a place with good people and good intentions who would provide the care I needed. To me, that was my first graduate assistantship.
Graduate school gave me some of the most important connections I still rely on today. Meeting some of my closest friends, my partner of 3 years, and my life mentors, my graduate program introduced me to the intentionality of relationships. Although only two years, the people I have met have positively impacted my life and continue to show up as much as they can. From facetimes to impromptu visits to conference meet-ups, our relationships continue to strengthen as we branch out to our different universities. It is okay to grieve the relationship you have lost in life transition. However, there are new relationships that may better serve who you are now.
Venus
Before graduate school, my best friend Taylor was at the center of my support system. We became friends during undergrad and grew alongside each other through late-night study sessions, roommate bonding, and the general chaos of figuring out who we wanted to become. She’s been the kind of friend who has stuck around through every transition since. When I started my master’s program, she became a constant reminder that my identity wasn’t only tied to being a graduate student. Sometimes this looked like her calling just to check in after a long week, grounding me with conversations about life outside of academics and work. Other times, she was the friend who knew exactly how to make me laugh when the stress felt overwhelming. Our relationship didn’t just sustain through grad school; it strengthened. Having someone who had witnessed my growth over so many stages of life gave me a sense of stability and perspective, especially when I felt unsure of myself in new environments.
During my master’s program, I found a new kind of support system in my cohort, people who were in the trenches with me every day. Within that group, Savanna quickly became one of my closest people. I jokingly called her my “emotional support human,” but the truth is, she filled that role in more ways than one. She was the person I could process with after class, vent to after long days juggling our assistantships, or simply sit beside in comfortable silence when neither of us had the energy to talk. Having her nearby during grad school gave me a sense of safety and belonging. We celebrated little victories together, picked each other up during low moments, and created routines of care that made the experience feel survivable. Even now, with her living on the opposite side of the country, that support hasn’t disappeared. Instead, it has shifted. We’ve adapted by sending weekly voice memos to check in with each other by sharing our highs, lows, and even the small, ordinary details of our weeks. Those voice notes have become an anchor, reminding me that even across distance and time zones, we’re still walking through life together.
Now, as I continue in my doctoral program, my support system feels like a blend of the old and the new. Taylor remains a steady presence, grounding me with the history and continuity of our friendship. Savanna continues to be a long-distance lifeline, proving that meaningful support can thrive even when geography changes. Alongside them, I’ve begun to build new connections with peers, faculty, and mentors who understand the unique challenges of doctoral work. My support system no longer fits into one neat category, it is layered, evolving, and spread across different parts of my life. Graduate school taught me that support systems don’t fade with distance or time; they adapt. What matters is the intention behind them, the consistent effort to show up, to listen, and to remind one another that none of us are doing this alone.
Conclusion and Looking Ahead
What we have shared here is just a small piece of our two years in the higher ed program. Some of these experiences might sound familiar, or maybe your path is different. That’s okay. Regardless, we hope this gives you a chance to think about people who’ve shaped, or will shape, your growth as a student, a professional, or just as a human navigating the wild ride of grad school.
As you plan, undertake, and/or reflect on your journey, we offer the following prompts:
- How did the relationships before grad school be maintained, sustained, changed, or strengthened?
- What was your individual experience like with the master’s cohort as a support system?
- What was your support system before grad school? What does it look like now?
Author Bios
Gabrielle Ulate (she/her/hers) is currently a Student Government Advisor at Oregon State University. Her passions include supporting students through developing their own identities as leaders, alongside being an advocate for those discovering their identities within transracial and multiracial communities.
Joshua Burns (he/him/his) is a Program Coordinator for Student Leadership Development at Kennesaw State University. His passions include serving underrepresented student populations and student leadership development.
Martin Saldana, Jr. (he/him/el) is currently a Program Coordinator and Academic Advisor at the University of California, San Diego. His passions include serving underrepresented student populations and is driven by his work to increase equity and inclusion.
Savanna Perry (she/her/hers) is currently a Resident Director at the University of California, Berkeley. Her passions include recruitment and retention of professional staff members, student leadership and development, and adapting to an ever-changing field.
Sydney Pickett (she/her/hers) is a Coordinator for The Center for Leadership and Service at the University of North Texas – Denton. Her passions include working with students’ leadership and identity development, especially with students of color and other minoritized identities.
Venus Skowronski (she/her/hers) is a Graduate Coordinator for Housing and Residence Life and a Doctoral Student at Florida State University. Her passions include exploring the role of mentorship in career trajectories, supporting women in higher education, and advancing international education initiatives.