(This is the second in a three-part series about the experiences in, transitions from, and connections sustained by graduate students.)
This is the second article in a three-part series exploring our graduate school experience. Our specific experience includes a cohort program model, mandatory graduate assistantships, a theory to practice curriculum, and faculty advisor mentorship. The first article explored our relationship with ourselves during the experience. We will begin by sharing personal anecdotes and conclude with prompts to guide your reflections.
When choosing a graduate school there are many factors informing why you end up where you do. Some of us chose programs based on financial aid (scholarships, stipends, and tuition remission). Others fore fronted curriculum and the utility of classes in our careers. Some chose based on the assistantships offered. Still others picked programs for school or program reputation, cost, and the ability to put Master’s of Higher Education on our business cards.
However, what if the decision process centered around intangible experiences and potential relationships on the grad school journey? It makes sense that we would value our relationships across campus in higher education, where we continuously interact with students, staff, and faculty. Do we value how much these relationships change our perspectives and inform our work in graduate school?
As new professionals, the intangible elements of relationships we made in graduate school are the most influential factors in our personal and professional development. Although we appreciate the theoretical frameworks we learned, we attribute our professional advancement, self-growth, and practical and philosophical approaches in student affairs to the people we met. We will examine anecdotes about how relationships affected our graduate journeys and translated into our lives as new professionals. We specifically examine how our relationships with our cohort, the graduate school experience, and our support systems have been built, evolved, maintained, or lost while pursuing our degrees. We are grateful for the support and challenges these relationships brought us, as they made us stronger professionals and people.
Gabi
My graduate school experience was primarily shaped by two aspects: the assistantship and the cohort. Prior to beginning my higher education master’s degree journey, both elements felt risky, and I was worried that neither would be the right fit. Even in selecting a university and program, I was terrified I was making the wrong decision.
Fortunately, I listened to the invaluable advice of the network of mentors I formed after being a resident assistant. These housing professionals advised me to identify and focus on my “non-negotiable”. In other words, what was the single quality or characteristic that I needed from a program to ensure the experience was worth it? Upon reflection, I decided that my non-negotiable was my assistantship offer. Although I loved my residence life experience (which led me to this field to begin with) I knew I would derive the most value by expanding my skillset and broadening my understanding of student affairs.
After many interviews and offers from other universities, I selected Florida State because their assistantship offer was the only one I received outside of housing and residence life. Truthfully, I did not know what to expect. Besides this non-negotiable, the university did not rank much further up on my list for any other reason. Little did I know that this decision was one of the best that I would make in my academic and professional career.
My graduate assistantship was a wholly transformative experience. I am endlessly grateful that I ended up at the Center for Leadership and Service focused on development, organization, and execution of leadership programming. This allowed me to learn the fast-paced environment of program planning while cultivating my capacity and efficacy as a leader. My relationship with this assistantship changed over time, as my two years were separate experiences and responsibilities.
My first year, I experienced the “trial by fire” that is program planning in an understaffed office. While there were mistakes along the way, I quickly acquired skills in prioritization, time management, assessment, and coordination across the campus community. I learned to work with long term versus short term programs, and to organize group travel with a delegation of students (which I use in my current role). My second year, as the office became fully staffed, led to responsibilities being removed from my plate, which was relieving and frustrating. I was used to responsibilities falling on me, and when they did not, it was a difficult transition. Looking back, I learned flexibility and adaptability with new opportunities in my internship which led to my current position. My graduate assistantship was incredibly rewarding, and I would not be the professional I am today without these lessons.
Our group was amazing and formative in making my graduate school experience special. We challenged each other while lifting each other up in and out of class, inspiring interpersonal growth. Ours was a group of amazing humans with our passions pointed in the same direction. Other connections in my assistantship and internship also helped me grow in the workplace as a more collaborative and open-minded professional.
Additionally, was the impact (and importance) of negative relationships. These were limited but surfaced throughout graduate school. Even though experiences with some individuals may be negative, these individuals can also encourage development even if it is uncomfortable and challenging.
As I worked through conflicts, I refined how I work with others, while also learning the importance of mentorship. I learned to define who is a mentor to me, and who is not. Knowing not every professional in my life is a mentor has continued to guide me in my full-time career. I learned to embrace meaningful work at my assistantship and the connections of my cohort, which fully prepared to work in higher education and student affairs.
Josh
It was the people who made my grad school experience what it was. Every space I was part of—work, class, or any random hallway chat—there was always a coworker, a cohort mate, or another student in the program, who helped me through tough times and made good moments better. One of the most impactful people was my research mentor, Dr. Lara Perez-Felkner. Being new to educational research, I was lucky to have her guidance. She didn’t just support me with research—she helped me call myself a researcher. She also had my back during the job search, which meant a lot.
One of the cool things about the Higher Ed master’s program at Florida State is that it runs alongside a doctoral program. That meant I worked with doctoral students on research and academic projects. I met Ravi Bhatt, a Ph.D. candidate at FSU during my first year, and we worked on articles around well-being and leadership development. We clicked academically, and we’re still writing and working together.
I can’t talk about grad school without mentioning the cohort which became my core support system. Before the program started, I’d only met a few of cohort members through our recruitment and assistantship interview weekend. Once we got to campus, it didn’t take long to feel like they’d be a significant part of my personal and professional journey. We took most classes together, and I could often tie the class learning experiences and insights my peers shared. Those relationships grounded everything I learned. We celebrated each other, went out for birthdays, attended events that we had planned for work, and provided support during the hard moments. I couldn’t imagine getting through two years in Tallahassee without them.
My graduate assistantship was where my student and professional worlds merged. I worked in FSU’s Center for Undergraduate Research and Academic Engagement and was one of the few people working directly with an undergrad research program. I took that responsibility seriously—I wanted to make sure everything ran smoothly and that I was holding up my end. The tricky part? Assistantships are only 20 hours a week, and that time goes by fast when you’re doing meaningful work. Students I worked with didn’t always realize that I wasn’t a full-time staff member, which could be confusing, but I saw that as a plus. Coming straight from undergrad, I could connect with them while also bringing a more professional lens to my work.
Outside of my assistantship, my experience at FSU was mostly good, despite a transition. FSU is a big, public, predominantly white institution—different from my undergrad experience. It took adjusting, but I eventually found my people and got involved in things that felt meaningful. Grad student government, the research training program, and campus events all played a part in helping me feel grounded. I’m grateful I had that experience. It gave me clarity on the kinds of institutions and environments I see myself working in moving forward.
Martin
The connections I’ve made throughout graduate school made my entire experience. Being a first-generation college student from a low-income background, I could not afford to spend time on resume builders. I was the first person in my entire family history to go to college. I spent my undergraduate experience working and adjusting to college. So, when applying for graduate school, I knew I wasn’t the best candidate on paper, but I was determined and had passion to work with and serve students.
All I needed was someone to take a chance on me and that person was Craig Filar in the Honors Department. He was looking for his first graduate assistant to help him lead the Presidential Scholars (a group of select scholarship recipients). Again, I knew I probably wasn’t the best candidate on paper, but during our interview he saw potential and looked past my application to bring me on to the team because of who I was as a person.
When I joined the team, the Presidential Scholars had this “start-up” vibe. I was the first graduate assistant, so the position was being created as I did the job. I am extremely grateful for Craig and this position, because this was exactly what I needed. I went from having limited experience to building skills on program management, classroom environment, administration, outreach, and professionalism. Later, Maddie Rodnite joined the team as an Associate Director, and I was happy to have such different but great leadership styles. They both allowed me space to learn and make mistakes without judgement. They allowed me to enhance the quality of the department and propose new ideas. The students in the program and I were deeply influenced by Craig and Maddie’s leadership.
However, the best part of my experience was the students. The Presidential Scholars always treated me with kindness and respect. They were understanding of my need to create boundaries. I enjoyed seeing them around campus and creating relationships with them. This program prepared me for my current job at the University of California, San Diego’s Data Science Department, which also has the same sort of “startup” vibe. I took what I learned at the Presidential Scholars and applied it to my new position.
Additionally, I couldn’t have been as successful in graduate school if not for my cohort. We shared similar experiences regardless of our roles on campus. When I needed someone they were there to lend a hand and offer support. There is something special about having a group of people who understand you or try and understand. This connection extended from our cohort to the doctoral students and faculty. I never felt a power dynamic in our program; we were all colleagues.
One doctoral student that I built a strong connection with was Derrick Pacheco. He represents exactly what the higher education program is about. I mentioned I wanted to do work around my Latine identity, and he asked me to be his TA for Latinx Leadership. Derrick and I became good friends. He shared his resources, brought me onto projects, and guided me through the higher education field. These days, I sit in a coffee shop and can’t help but look at the empty chairs in front of me and miss the days where my friends and I shared a laugh and were there for one another.
Savanna
If I had to sum up my graduate experience in one word, it would be: fun. I have always tried to embrace the silly things in life but graduate school solidified for me how important fun is in everything I do. One of my favorite Florida State memories is when my supervisor Kelly and I planned the most random/silly yet impactful event for the residential community I oversaw.
It began with the discovery that Dolly Parton’s birthday is January 19th, sparking a playful idea among our team: ‘Wouldn’t it be silly to create a Dolly-themed event?’ Kelly and I laughed thinking about turning Wildwood Hall into Dollywood and went down a rabbit hole looking at Dolly Parton themed decorations online. As we planned, what seemed like a whimsical idea evolved into something extraordinary and delightful—an experience that surpassed our expectations.
Our event melded entertainment with education, culminating in a unique wellness-themed celebration. By weaving facets of Dolly Parton’s life into wellness dimensions, we transformed what can be a challenging topic into a lively, engaging, and inclusive event. Through our innovative approach, we fostered space that facilitated open dialogue and encouraged participants to explore wellness in an unconventional manner. The success of the event lay not only in its creative execution but also in its ability to foster connections and promote holistic well-being. By harnessing the spirit of Dolly Parton’s resilience, generosity, and authenticity, we created an experience that resonated with attendees, leaving a lasting impact on their wellness perceptions.
Another experience that taught me the importance of having fun came from my second-year internship with Club Downunder (Florida State’s student programming board and concert venue). At this internship I worked high profile events and met a lot of cool people. One of Club Downunder’s signature programs is our “Golden Torch Lecture Series” where we bring celebrities and elite professionals in for a moderated lecture/interview about their life and work. One semester we brought in actor, singer, and songwriter Darren Criss (a big deal for me as a Gleek).
Payton (cohort mate/friend) and I got assigned the (arguably) most important task: picking up Darren’s dinner. While this involved venturing into College Town in Tallahassee on a Friday evening (if you know you know), I had never been more excited for a work assignment. We drove and parked as close as we could without driving into College Town. This was a great decision as streets were closed for a concert. We made it to the first restaurant with relative ease. We started to walk to the next restaurant and quickly realized two things: it was a way further walk than either of us remembered and we were short on time. We sprinted to the second restaurant, then all the way back to our car, and drove back as quickly (but safely) we could. To many this may sound like a bad experience, but Payton and I made it fun. The whole time we were laughing, talking about how excited we were to meet Darren, and fangirling over Glee. Yes, we were running around chaotically, but boy did we have fun doing it.
These memories—and many others—continue to shape how I show up in my professional life today. Recently, my coworkers and I took time to take silly group photos of our committee during downtime while getting departmental headshots. My time at Florida State taught me that fun isn’t just an add-on; it’s a vital part of creating meaningful, inclusive experiences. Embracing the silly has helped me build stronger communities, navigate challenges with creativity, and bring authenticity to everything I do. Whether it’s planning a quirky wellness event, sprinting across town with a dinner order, or laughing with coworkers during a break, I’ve learned that joy and connection are powerful tools in our work. For that, I’ll always be grateful.
Sydney
I applied to graduate school because I did not know what I wanted to do career-wise, but I knew I was good at school. I thought graduate school would give me the time and clarity I needed to figure out my future. This was a good idea theoretically, but while people tell you about the difficulty of graduate classes, experiencing it firsthand was challenging. Reflecting on the evolution of my graduate school academic identity, I think of impactful people in my journey inside the classroom. My faculty advisor, Dr. Tamara Bertrand-Jones served as a voice of reason, sounding board, and mom away from my mom. As a professor, she taught with a wealth of knowledge and demanded respect. In fact, she gave us a graduate-level pop quiz during our fifth week of school, so she meant business. Outside the classroom, she was well-respected in student affairs due to her intelligence, presence, and passion for research. It was an honor to learn from her. We would go out to lunch to discuss everything from school to my personal life. As I went through issues, she had the right advice and knew when to challenge me. I am grateful for the wisdom and kindness she shared with me. As a starting student, it is easy to be intimidated by faculty not knowing how to connect, but they are human and want to see you succeed. Building a relationship with my faculty advisor was critical to my success.
My cohort was another significant group of people in my journey. One of my main criteria for a graduate program was, “Which group of people can I take every class with for two years?” You may want to befriend them beyond class, but in courses, you need cohort mates who will challenge you, contribute to group projects (because there are many), and be empathetic. As most of us and our professors can attest, our cohort brought entertaining yet thought-provoking conversations to our learning. We cultivated relationships with each other outside of class providing insight into our courses. I attribute my wealth of knowledge to my cohort mates discussing how their lived experiences impacted their student affairs work. It was a continuous cycle of learning and growing, and I appreciated having a cohort that invested in each other’s educational experience.
Our program required students to have a GA to apply what we learned in class to real life and share insights about which higher education issues apply to today’s students. My GA became more than a job to me; it was a test of time management, resilience, and passion. In addition to getting a degree, we worked hands-on 20 hours a week and completed internships to be competitive in the job market. Often, student affairs practitioners say there is no work-life balance, and as a graduate student, you see professionals without personal boundaries. I found myself “pouring from an empty cup” in school and work, where I had little time to care for myself. As a GA, I wish I saw more professionals model work-life balance, so I knew when to give myself grace. Fortunately, my GAs gave me strategies to a work-life balance. I am more intentional about prioritizing boundaries and personal health and wellness as a professional.
As a new professional, I hear others facing challenges such as increased workload, higher-stakes responsibilities, and establishing their professional identities. These adjustments were not as difficult for me because my supervisors entrusted me with many Coordinator-level responsibilities as GA, in addition to school.
My GA helped shape my professional identity as a confident new professional. I know what I want out of my job, and what I want students to gain from programs. Graduate school is hard for many reasons, but it gave me an accurate precursor to what full-time work is like. Graduate school made me face, understand, and reflect on how insecurities may impede success. These challenges bring opportunities for reflection on academic identity, definition of success, and recentering to make yourself a more well-rounded student, professional, and person.
Venus
Reflecting on graduate school, I’m drawn to one word: transformation. I was transformed through deeply personal, sometimes painful, always powerful evolution. Transformation happens when you’re constantly being asked to show up—as a scholar, a professional, and a whole human being. From the moment I started at FSU as an undergraduate to now, as a Ph.D. student still at Florida State, I have changed dramatically. The way I walk across campus, the relationships I lean on, and how I understand myself as student and educator—all of that has shifted.
Graduate school gave me theory and frameworks, but it also gave me people. And one of the most unexpected gifts was my cohort. I didn’t realize the value of the cohort model when I started my program—it was new to me. In my first year I overlooked it. I realize now how much I miss the bond we had. We weren’t a perfect found-family, and we didn’t always have it all together, but there was an unspoken understanding: when we needed support, it was freely given.
From venting in class about assistantship stress, to cramming in the little study room on the first floor of Stone, to the flood of congratulations as we landed jobs—those moments shaped my grad experience. And when things got hard—really hard—after others had graduated and I stayed on for my Ph.D., that care and connection continued. Even from afar, my cohort showed up. A simple check-in, a “thinking of you,” a message of support—it meant the world. During one of the toughest times on campus, their kindness grounded me. Despite everything happening in their lives and in the world, my cohort made space to show up for me.
That’s the thing about grad school: it’s not just about professional development or reading dense theory at 2:00 a.m. It’s about the people who hold you up when you’re too tired, too broken, or too overwhelmed to do it alone. My cohort has been that for me—sometimes quietly, sometimes fiercely. They’ve seen me at my most ambitious and my most exhausted, and they remind me: I belong here.
My relationship with my graduate assistantship was equally transformative. In my Housing and Residence Life role, I merged my academic interests with my passion for student support. I’m especially grateful to Stephanie, my supervisor, and Sarah, our Assistant Director. These two women have been models of the leadership I aspire to emulate—intentional, compassionate, and unapologetically supportive. Stephanie met me where I was, always finding a way to affirm my strengths while gently challenging me to stretch beyond them. Sarah leads with a presence that radiates clarity and care, seeing the bigger picture without losing sight of the individual stories that shape it. They poured into me as a staff member, but also as a human with dreams, doubts, and a desire to grow.
I’m still a doctoral student, not in a full-time professional role. That matters because there’s a strange in-betweenness as a grad student. You’re expected to mentor while still being mentored yourself. You’re writing papers on leadership while questioning your own. You’re advocating for students while learning to advocate for yourself. My experience taught me to lead while learning, to support others while figuring things out, and to exist in the space between student and professional. I’ve come to see that tension as a gift teaching me that growth doesn’t happen in clearly defined boxes—it happens in the messy middle. It’s humbling. It’s weird. It’s wildly rewarding.
I’ve learned that growth doesn’t always come with fanfare. Sometimes it is crying in your advisor’s office. Sometimes it is showing up for students while carrying your own pain. And sometimes, it is finding strength in the people beside you who remind you why you started and accompany you as you figure out where you’re going.
Conclusion and Looking Ahead
This is just a small piece of our two years in the higher ed program. Some of these experiences might sound familiar, or maybe your path is different. That’s okay. Regardless, we hope this gives you a chance to think about people who’ve shaped, or will shape, your growth as a student, a professional, or just as a human navigating the wild ride of grad school.
As you plan, undertake, and/or reflect on your journey, we offer the following prompts:
- Who were impactful people during grad school?
- How did your relationship with them grow?
- Why were these relationships impactful to you?
- What was your relationship with your graduate assistantship and the school itself?
- How do you see the relationship show up or influence your full-time job now?
- How did you navigate your professional identity while being a student?
In the next article, we will share how the relationships with our support systems might have been maintained, sustained, changed, or strengthened.
Author Bios
Gabrielle Ulate (she/her/hers) is currently a Student Government Advisor at Oregon State University. Her passions include supporting students through developing their own identities as leaders, alongside being an advocate for those discovering their identities within transracial and multiracial communities.
Joshua Burns (he/him/his) is a Program Coordinator for Student Leadership Development at Kennesaw State University. His passions include serving underrepresented student populations and student leadership development.
Martin Saldana, Jr. (he/him/el) is currently a Program Coordinator and Academic Advisor at the University of California, San Diego. His passions include serving underrepresented student populations and is driven by his work to increase equity and inclusion.
Savanna Perry (she/her/hers) is currently a Resident Director at the University of California, Berkeley. Her passions include recruitment and retention of professional staff members, student leadership and development, and adapting to an ever-changing field.
Sydney Pickett (she/her/hers) is a Coordinator for The Center for Leadership and Service at the University of North Texas – Denton. Her passions include working with students’ leadership and identity development, especially with students of color and other minoritized identities.
Venus Skowronski (she/her/hers) is a Graduate Coordinator for Housing and Residence Life and a Doctoral Student at Florida State University. Her passions include exploring the role of mentorship in career trajectories, supporting women in higher education, and advancing international education initiatives.